MAGGIE | A Beautiful Rhapsody: Journal

Finally, Some Self Love

Journal Thursday, August 03, 2017

And finally a new entry.

I created this blog in 2015 with the thought of reinventing my virtual space. I wanted a blog that feels more like me in contrast with the beauty blog I started with. I had ideas in my head that would not let me sleep for days and, for a moment, I thought I figured it all out- what I wanted for this blog. I thought I had to figure it all out to even start at all. Ironically, that perception made me hesitate to post anything, something.

Consequently, maintaining this blog became tedious and, well, less inspiring. I forced myself to perfect this blog. I wanted it to look great, sleek and modern. I obsessed about making this blog well-known. I had big ideas and that was all I really had- ideas. As days and months passed, I had nothing but uninspired posts because, in reality, I saw my life neither exciting nor adventurous.

I used to love blogging- I spent hours, even days, crafting my posts, from the aesthetics of the website to the substance of blog entries. Then, one day, I just stopped. I vanished as if the old, passionate me died and the new, uninspired me buried it six feet on the ground. I realized how my life was not how I imagined it to be. All my expectations led to disappointments. All I saw were my failures. I experienced a period of self-loathing, of self-pity. How can I even post about these things... these feelings?

Today, though, I am giving myself another chance to be happy; right at this moment, I am freeing myself from doubts, disappointments and false expectations. Who cares about failures? Everyone makes them. And who even dare count? Failure is part of success. And whatever mistakes I made do not set my life once and for all. There will be days of wallowing in self-pity; there will be days of terrible fall leaving me broken and limp. But I'm ready to rise again and again and again #soreadybornready because giving up is never an option.

This blog is my happy place, my little virtual world where I can be spontaneous and free-spirited. In the next four months, I will not have the luxury of time for lengthy posts and extra-lit photoshopped images and layout but I AM HERE to stay. That old Maggie I buried with my passion for life and art has been exhumed and revived. And while I am still struggling to find my peace (because that old me never really rested in peace #punintented), I am determined to live my life with no regrets.

Ending this post with some random quote I saw on Pinterest.

"Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows".

- author unknown

'Til my next post,

M A G G I E

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A New Beginning

featured Wednesday, November 18, 2015

2015 has given me several opportunities to create a better version of myself. From coping with challenges in my academic life to joining a number of school organizations, I learned that I should not fear my weaknesses. Instead, I must learn to embrace them because they will make me stronger and wiser than before. That was easier said than done, considering the numerous ups and downs that I experienced while crossing the path I seek and trying to get up from falling, but I did it. I wouldn’t be where I am right now if not because of everything I’ve been through the past years.

I hoped to graduate on time because I have many plans in my life before reaching the age of 30. I wanted to become independent, probably study abroad, and travel around the world before I settle down. Things changed when I learned that I wouldn't be able to join my friends in the "road to the red toga" a year before. It was painful, but I still believed that God had a better plan for me and he designed it in such a subtle way.

Looking back, I realized how my failures opened the big doors for me.

Legal Aid Bureau 3C represent

3C Creative Class Picture

3C Geeky/Nerdy Look Class Picture 2

JURASSIC PARK

My journey in law school is a culmination of hard work, determination, and countless prayers. Like everyone else, I thought that I could finish law school in four years. That, however, turned out to be written in water when I failed my first subject during the first semester of my freshman year. I cried because I was exhausted and felt that I didn't have what it takes to become a Bedan lawyer. But I didn't quit. I believe that it is already written in the stars that I will become a Bedan lawyer.

Failing a 5-unit subject was a challenge. There was fear of getting kicked out either by reason of the two-flunk rule or failing to meet the QPI. That fear grew the following semester when my blockmates and I learned that our Criminal Law 2 professor is the great Atty. Maximo Amurao. Most of my classmates dropped the subject and our class was reduced by half. The fear increased when I learned that Atty. Amurao passed only 5 students during the previous year. I thought of dropping the subject as well, but I stayed. I wasn't confident, I was scared. Heck, I didn't attend his classes during the first week. Eventually, I put myself together and had the courage to attend his class and experience my first (definitely not the last) nerve-racking Amurao Bokya. (Ibang level mabokya sa kanya. Parang gusto ko masuka habang nagbabalasa siya ng class cards.) I survived my first year in law school and was ready to hurdle another year.

I tried my best to pass the rest my subjects up to my third year. I thought it was a sign from heaven when I passed Atty. Amurao's Criminal Law 2, Dean Sundiang's Negotiable Instruments Law and Dean Jara's Civil Procedure classes. Finishing law school in four years was no longer just a possibility but a probability. I thought that probability would work in my favor. However, one fateful morning, while I was rendering service as a Hustisyeah volunteer in the Makati Halls of Justice, I received a text message that our professor finally released our grades. I hurriedly checked mine online and learned that I failed. I could have been qualified as a senior law student despite the first subject I failed because seniors are allowed to overload 6 units only. Apparently, I already had 6 units to overload, and adding the subject I failed, the four-year road to the red toga was not anymore an option..

I didn't cry. I probably felt numb as far as I can remember. I thought I deserve it. There was no regret. The challenge, however, did not end there because I have nothing to do for a year if I could enroll only three subjects (I needed to drop two subjects during my junior year because I wanted to take Civil Procedure which is a 5-unit subject and a prerequisite for two subjects. I decided to drop a 4-unit and a 2-unit subjects).

LAYOUTING THE NEXT STEP

Creating and editing designs are some of my hobbies. They are within my comfort zone, unlike news writing and public speaking. Since I had only three subjects for the year, I thought this was a great time to improve my current skills and learn new ones. I started to layout what I must do next.

I used Adobe Photoshop for my first newsletter layout

After helping the Bar Operations for their Red Den Issue, I thought of joining thebarrister, the official student publication of San Beda College of Law. I applied and was accepted as a junior layout artist. Never have I anticipated that joining thebarrister would give me one of the best moments in my law school life.

Joining thebarrister gave me an avenue to develop my creativity skills. As a layout artist, I had to meet the deadliest deadline even if there were prior delays because I am the last person to edit the final draft before publication. I learned how to use Adobe InDesign and I was able to improve my photoshop skills. I learned to value commitment and professionalism. I took constructive criticisms positively and worked harmoniously with the press work team. Working with three issues and one portfolio planner made me proud, happy, and grounded. The people I worked with brought the best person in me and the organization equipped me with skills I probably wouldn't have the time to learn after law school. I also met new people who are now my closest friends.

Graduation Issue 2014-2015

INTERNATIONALLY SPEAKING

I admire debaters and mooters, but I never saw myself to be one. Surprisingly, I was able to overcome the fear of speaking in public and bring out the best speaker in me.

During an org fair, San Beda International Law Society (ILS) was recruiting new members and I was encouraged to apply by a close friend who happens to be a brilliant speaker and a member of ILS. I doubted myself but I submitted my application form anyway. If I make a fool out of myself, at least I tried, right? Eventually I became a member and I tried out for a competition praying hard to not suck at it. I was really mean to myself. Who would have thought that my first moot competition is an international moot court competition in Gujarat, India? I didn't. I was originally picked for another competition and started training with the team when the members were regrouped. A new team was created for the competition and I became one of its members.

San Beda ILS Family

ILS 2015-2016

I was a researcher for the team and I studied public international law particularly in the field of trade. The more I was reading articles and digesting cases, the more I became fascinated with the topic. I learned a lot and I realized that there is so much to learn in this field. It was like finding new love when you least expect it. I didn't expect to be fit for mooting but I believed and persevered.

This academic year (2015-2016), I became part of the team to join the FDI moot court competition. It was a competition with a proceeding and a topic (international investment law) different from what I usually join in. It was the first time for San Beda ILS to join such a competition. With less than two months to prepare, the team was sent to Korea and placed 3rd in the Asia-Pacific Region. The team advanced to the global rounds in London. That was my first time to become a speaker and it was not easy. I struggled but I made it through. I didn't even expect to earn any place in the Top 50 Best Advocates in Korea and in London. Having people who believed in me made that possible.

The team, who also garnered positions in the Top 50 advocates, is composed of: Maxencio Rios, Jr. (Top 8), Kria Celestine Manglapus (Top 39), Anna Margarita Malonzo (Top 17), Miguel Jaime Encarnacion (Top 2), Robert Francis Fernandez. The team is coached by: Atty. Ramiila L. Quinto and Atty. Zoilo Velasco. The team is accompanied by Father Rembert Tumbali.

Becoming a member of San Beda ILS brought me to new horizons not just as a law student but as a future lawyer (Naks! claiming it...) as well. "Doubt kills more dreams than failure," our team coach told me at a time I felt I was the weakest link in the team. She saw my struggle but she never gave up on me. Indeed, I shouldn't let doubt push me to quit. After the competition, I was glad to bring home the pride of being a Bedan law student. My real prize is the humbling experience of training and competing with my friends who I now consider my second family. This is an experience I will never forget and will treasure for the rest of my life.

MOVING FORWARD

Looking back to all of the failures I’ve encountered, I am grateful that all of them have made me a stronger person. It may seem like a walk in the park, but as they say, it is more like a walk in Jurassic park. As I continue my journey as a senior law student, I still have a long way to go but I'm ready for the bumps and rocks ahead.

Indeed, there is no self waiting to be discovered, only a self waiting to be created.

I am

Maggie Malonzo

a traveler with a purpose,

a young blood aspiring to become a Bedan lawyer.

Welcome to my blog as I embrace my new beginning!

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